It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
