I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
