"it" just moved
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
