They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
