he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
