this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
