I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize