Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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