SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
