Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
