so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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