you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
