I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
