I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
