Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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