Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize