You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
