and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
