Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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