My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
