wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
