carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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