I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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