it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
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