and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
