paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize