So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
