True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
