Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
