There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
