she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
