We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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