Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
