He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
