What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
