Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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