Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
