That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize