Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
