doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize