If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize