We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
