Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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