Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
