Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
