How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
