There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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