her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
