I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
