Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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