i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
