you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
