Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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