just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
