matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
