Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
