Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
