She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
