It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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