its not stalking. its research.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
