After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
